it's ok to cry.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I want to recap the first month as a mom. Society wants me to post smiling pictures of a sweet baby in his stain-free outfit with a tag line that talks about how in love we are with our new addition and how we can't imagine life before he got here. And while yes, we are in love with our new baby, that's not the true picture of my first month into the vast ocean called motherhood. 

What those Facebook posts don't show is that the first month after having a baby is hard. It's messy and full of tears. It's painful and emotional. It's overwhelming and exhausting. What those perfectly posed pictures don't show are the tired eyes of new parents who aren't sure if they are doing any of this parenting stuff right. Or the nights of rocking and bouncing a newborn that has cried for {what feels like} days straight. 

In the middle of the night during a marathon feeding session, I stumbled onto a blog post titled "70 things I wish someone would have told me about pregnancy" (or something of the sort). This post covered everything from the joy you would feel, to the products you should have bought. But the one that stood out to me the most? "It's ok to cry". 

It's ok to cry. 

It's ok to cry because you didn't know you could love something so much. 

It's ok to cry because you feel overwhelmed and alone in the middle of the night. 

It's ok to cry because you feel so blessed by all of the people who want to come see your new baby. 

It's ok to cry when you feel overwhelmed by people coming to visit and you just want to hide out. 

It's ok to cry because you didn't think you could love the man you married any more until you see him as a dad. 

It's ok to cry because feeding your child is one of the most painful things you have ever done. 

It's ok to cry because feeding your child is one of the most beautiful things you have ever done. 

It's ok to cry because you feel like you might never get to leave your house again. 

It's ok to cry when you feel anxious just at the thought of leaving your house again. 

It's ok. 

I write all of this not to highlight the bad that comes with the first month of having a newborn, but to remind myself of how hard these times are. To remind myself that it's important to hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection. And maybe, if you are a new mom and reading this, you will know that even though this first month feels so long, it will pass. And in the meantime, it's ok to cry. 

Easton Gregory Chandler

On September 3, Easton made his way into the world and our hearts at 8:44 PM! 

8lbs. 3oz. -- 19.5 inches

Easton's "birth story" is, thankfully, a fairly uneventful one. After learning that I had high blood pressure at our 38 week appointment, I was put on bed rest. The following Wednesday we went back in for our 39 week appointment and were met with the phrase, "what are you guys doing tonight--are you ready to have a baby?" My blood pressure was still high and was beginning to become a danger to the baby. It was determined that the best option at this point was to induce labor. Zach and I were excited, nervous, scared, and relieved all rolled together.  We left the clinic, made a very important pit stop for some Chick-fil-a, made phone calls to our family and friends, and headed back to the hospital. Wednesday night we relaxed in the hospital room  while they started medicine to "get things going".  Needless to say, not a lot of sleep happened that night!

Thursday morning we were greeted bright and early by the flipping on of lights by the anesthesiologist to give me my epidural. Shortly after, I was given pitocin to start the laboring process. From then on it was just a waiting game. All day we had a parade of friends and family coming in and out to see us. Thankfully, I wasn't in much pain and was able to interact with them throughout the day. 

At 7:00 we were told that it was time to start pushing. Zach prayed over us and we spent a few minutes realizing that that would be the last time that our family would be just us. At 8:44, Zach and I got to hear the first raspy cry of our sweet little boy! What an incredibly beautiful sound! We got to spend the next couple of hours soaking up our new addition and the fact that we were now a family of 3. Soon after, our families were let into the room so that they could love on him as well. 

We stayed in the hospital Thursday night and were able to come home late Friday night. 

What an overwhelmingly beautiful experience we had welcoming our sweet Easton into this world!